Dedicated to a Broken Heart

Theres a storm brewing inside my heart
I'm willing to bet that this is just the start
and even though I'll never have you back again
I just can't accept it as the end
If you're happy 
I am too
But how can I be happy 
Without you
And how can you be happy without me
It was you who promised me eternity
Inside I cry
Even looking into my lovers eyes
Does he know my love's not true
Can he feel my heart belongs to you
I'll walk the Earth looking for you 
and as a love story 
My ghost will too 


..I'll be waiting
                    come back soon....


-Janae

Janae Rockwell Dress Rehearsal

Perverted

They stay asking why I keep on giving up

So I just look down at the empty in my cup

You got everything that you need and the people too

And I keep on asking God why don’t he just make me you?

I keep getting here

But there are no tears

Nothing can make me cry anymore

I touched the ocean floor and it just kept on sinking

So I decided to fall there until I reached something

Now half my life’s almost gone

I aint got nothing to account for but my wrongs

I breathe air and feel like I’m gonna drown

And when I look up all I see is the ground

Now, I’ve shed my blood, sweat and time

And to this day I don’t even have a dime

So one has to ask themselves, “What’s living”

‘Cause I’m only one pebble away from tripping

Even if I make something of myself

Would I be as happy as everyone else?

Or is it just a show that y’all put on

‘Cause I would like to know where’s the casting call

I’ve been desperate in my attempts to reach God

Stay crying out... Why don’t you hear me Lord?

But ever since one day I’ve been accountable for all my sins

And I thought there was protection over ignorance

I fold one piece of clothing at a time

And just like that the years don’t even stop to say Hi

So I ask Him could he finally just take my life

‘Cause I’m not going down for suicide

If your saying, “Wow”, please know that I was grateful

But everybody has their last straw  

California where the sun don’t shine

Whoever said it don’t rain in Cali, Lied

‘cause it won’t stop raining on my parade

So I gave up hopin’ for a brighter day

And when you feel like you’re doing it, you’re not

Tomorrow comes and day by day YOUR dreams are stopped

You keep reaching up just to get dropped

And then you find there is no bottom stop

Why wasn’t it me born happy?

Why was I granted so many difficulties?

They’re so minute but they’re their own little army

And they keep killing every single opportunity

So I smoke and I drink and I think and I contemplate

And I hope and I pray that these flaws will just run away

And I’m down, down so, so low

And I’d rather not forgive or let go

Maybe misery is just my calling

I’m so comfortable now it’s fun not smiling  

-Janae (written 6/28/09)

Dear Mr. Men,

Dear Mr. Men,

All women just want to be treated special. She wants to feel appreciated. We women only want for you to walk through the door and shout, " Baby! I've been thinking about you all day!" 

We just want to be adored! 

A woman will change her appearance, friends, and her name for a man that she loves, just to make him happy. And what she wants in return is an admiring look... A few flattering words... embracement and a few surprises here and there (; 

If you don’t have a lot of money that’s okay because love goes further than lifestyle. A woman could live in the harshest of conditions if every night you tell her how much you genuinely love and appreciate her.

A walk through the park with just the holding of her hand. A candle lit microwave dinner. A good morning and good night kiss to start and end the day. Just a smile when she comes in the room. Effort, to SHOW how much you really do care is all we ask. And if you can top these things, more power to ya! 

Studies have shown you really do affect our moods, mental states, behaviors and work ethics. But that’s only because we're down for you. We want to feel what you feel. We want to know what you need. And we love you so much that we will do almost anything to make you happy and proud of us like daughters for their fathers. But we need that love. That assured, honest, cherished, respectful love- such as a loving father gives his beautiful daughters day in and day out without fail. He's not loud with them, he doesn’t hit them, and he would never walk out on his daughters. He comes home every night, tucks them in bed, hugs in the morning and adventures during the day. 

Nobody’s perfect. Nothing is perfect. But effort can go such a long way. 

Now I’m no expert. And I can only speak for myself and for the ladies that I know, but Men! I solemnly swear, if you treat your woman Special, she will steal bricks from the president to build you, her king, a palace. 

** SIDE NOTE*** 

Keep in mind men, she chose you just like you chose her. Courting (devoted attention in order to win favor) shouldn't stop. Trying to please shouldn't stop. Neither one of you should get so comfortable that you quit trying to KEEP each other [Happy]. 

Go and get her TIGER!

-Janae

Look At Me

Look at me 

And give me two seconds of attention

Just look at me 

Let me see into those eyes of perfection  

Words I could never speak

Would be apparent on the skin of me

If you'd look at me 

You could see 

How long I've loved you 

I know it’s unconventional 

I know they speak against it

And if they asked me, I would deny it

I am so defenseless  

Like a girl with her shoe strings untied

Alone standing in the wind without her bike

Engaged in a dream world 

In my mind

Everything’s so simplified

If you’d look at me 

You could see 

How long I've loved you 

There are coffee stains on my window seal 

Melted wax on the wooden floor

A love letter in disguise 

That appears only in your allure

But I bet you'd never read it

It’d get lost in your pocket 

If I decided to surrender all my feels to a silly little pen 

And handed the ink over to be read by all your friends

Isn’t that foolish? 

But look at me

You can see 

How long I've loved you 

It’s no coincidence that I'm everywhere you are

We don’t have the same group of friends my love 

I am drawn to you like the moon in the dark 

A rose among lilies 

An emerald in the sand

There is no chance until you give me one

I have no legs until you stand

There is no voice until you speak

So please just look at me 

And articulate what you see

Until then I’ll be looking for your eyes

Maybe we’ll come in contact

And I’ll act so surprised

Give you my name and show you my eyes

Maybe then you could see what’s been on my mind

Growing ^UP^

Teenage Years Your Close Friend Becomes Your Worst Enemy. Your Boyfriend Becomes A Prick.

Lollipops Turn Into Cigerettes. The Innocent Ones Turn Into Sluts. 

Homework Goes In The Trash. Cell Phones Are Being Used In Class. 

Detention Becomes Suspension. Soda Becomes Vodka. Bikes Become Cars.

Undies Turn Into G-Strings.
Remember When Getting High Meant Swinging On The Playground?

When Protection Meant Wearing A Helmet? When The Worse Thing You Could Get From Boys Were C00tieS?

Dad's Shoulders Were The Highest Place On Earth And Mom Was Your Hero?

Race Issues Were About Who Ran The Fastest? War Was Only A Card Game.

The Only Drug You Knew Was Cough Medicine. 

wEARiNG A Skirt Didn't Make You  A Slut.

The Only Things That Hurt You Were Skinned Knees.

And Goodbyes Only Meant Until Tomorrow?

Ha. And we couldn't wait grow up..

_davin_

Love Potion

Wiccans, Witches repeated it to me

"I can give you what you wish for, but you have to pay"

Money will only buy an ingredient or two

"But what can you do for me, if I do this for you?"

I wrote it on a piece of paper. I could not bare to say

They laughed and threw it on the floor as they turned to me

"Your soul is for the gods, in that realm we do not dwell

We would like the next best thing that keeps your soul from hell"

Blood. So divine and precious to almost every source

"Blood is your payment, my friend, if you want this to work"

I tore my clothes off and stated, "Anywhere you'd like!"

Drip my blood from anywhere 'cause I need this tonight!

Weak, I pulled myself off the floor to watch them work

A pinch of this, a dab of that, suddenly they smirked...

A vile of the finest medicine known to man

I can’t wait to dose you up with some of my love potion

I imagined you.....

Look at you

Puppy dog eyes and extra kisses

Shakespearian poems and silly giggles

Looks of admiration. Yes! You feel it too!

You love me just the way I like

Well, you do love me don’t you?

I looked at the potion that fit in my hand

I’ve been dreaming of this forever and it’s my only chance

I want you to love me, is that too much to ask?

I’d give even my soul for you, don’t you understand?

I poured the whole bottle into your cup

No need for trial runs

I can handle all your love
lets see what this special potion does 

This obsession is killing me and I can’t wait

Tonight will be the night, my love, that you reciprocate!

Down, down, down his throat is goes

His eyes sparkle and the wind blows

To his feet my bewitched lover rose

He exclaimed only his love for me,

And how he's always known

Though it’s not real, I do not care

I do not feel alone anymore

I feel loneliness shared

I cheated love like it cheated me

I entrapped it and gave it free

To someone who I loved but didn’t love me

Tell me how does it feel

To give of yourself against your own will?

I live in the Movies, Dont You?

Things are not as easy as it seems like in the movies. 

things don’t happen over night.

it’s not that easy to tell the difference between friend and foe.

there’s no dramatic irony where we can see both sides of the stage. 

instead there’s time, and progression and arguments and real live interaction. 

I know I’ve lost touch with myself discipline and sense of reality trying to mimic what I see on TV. 

I mean, come on let’s be honest, we're all trying to be that successful business man with a beautiful wife and hot secretary. The caring nurse that saves the day and has all the antidotes for her patience’s and personal lives of her associates. The funny guy that gets all the passes, the drama queen whose life's astray but in the end every day turns out a little for the better. The sleek, witty woman with all of her earthly desires. the sleek, witty man doing nothing all day but his hearts desires. an office geek; morally correct. the vengeful little nerd who personally waited and worked his whole life for his enemies demise. the super hero, the chosen healer, vampires, haunting ghost, the one in a million who got recognized by an outstanding figure for their talent and is now a mega super hit worldwide.  Just special... in my opinion. 

I must admit my desire to be special overheads my interpretation... many of times, day in and day out. But we are who we are for a reason, right? Why am I not you and you not me? 

I wish only for time's plot to reveal itself quickly. I just hope to not look up one day and wonder where time went. why have i wasted all my years in a dream?

I think that we all just want to be important, significant, know that our lives have some type of explanation. bc in the movies they do. in the movies, each life counts (whether they’re getting paid or not!) we see them and think, "if only....” or maybe I'm just speaking for myself. 

I wish things were as easy in the movies. a few takes and I’m in shape, in love, in a million dollar deal. but the movies rarely show a realistic, in depth, detailed and reasonable way to get what you want or go where you planned. Nor do they show a "star" in living room light. Like where I'm at now. hum... I wonder which one of us will make it to the movies first. 'cause I’m not settling for this lamp above me! it makes me look fat! 

Lights. Camera. Action!!!!